Baptism

When Camille asked me to speak at her baptism I was so excited for her, that I excepted! And then I had to pause...what was I going to say?
There are a million generic talks on baptism at the click of a mouse, but this is different. This baptism, this girl... Are special.
Baptism is always a big decision, don't get me wrong, but Camille is going into this with both eyes open. She's not being baptised because that's what everybody else her age is doing. Probably quite the contrary. People in this world would have you believe that this is your body, your life. That's simply not true... Someone has felt your every pain, your every fear, your every heartache. And on the other hand every comfort, every excitement, every joy. He took upon himself the pressure of every sin until he bled from every pore for every child of our heavenly father. She's being baptised because she knows that. She knows that this is the first step to being with her family forever. There are more steps to be taken, but today she is setting her foundation for eternal life and glory. She is preparing herself for the kingdom and exaltation of God! To stand in his presence and realize that that is exactly where she belongs!
It's not going to be easy, I'm sure you know that, after you leave that water Satan will want nothing more than to drag you down. But you're smart, and he knows that, so it'll be subtle...like the urge to fight with your sister, back talk your dad, or tell little white lies. It adds up. He wants you to feel like you're not good enough, that you're lost, weak or even broken. But that's a lie. Walk out of here today with your head held high, knowing that you are a daughter of God and that you have legions of angels at your beck and call. But you have to call. Have a prayer in your heart at all times. And never be afraid to walk away from a bad situation.
After today, you will stumble, maybe even fall. And Repentance can be hard. It can be painful and scary, but it's worth it! The peace and the love that comes from even just saying your sorry...is worth it. Your heart never needs to be burdened ever again.
Today you are making a promise to be the very best you can be, with the knowledge that, he's already made up for the rest. You will now have the opportunity to take the sacrament every Sunday and remember exactly that. Try not to miss it... It is so easy to get caught up in this world, but remember the way you feel today and desire it! Because that is real happiness!
I say these things in the witness of our Heavenly Father in the name of our Redeemer, Jesus Christ, Amen.
I love you Camille and I am really, so very happy for you!

So bored!

Here I am with nothing to do and nothing to look at. I could be doing a million things, bettering myself, becoming a better person. I have big dreams with no ambition. They say that's a side effect of my depression.... Maybe I'm just lazy. People with labels. Like leftovers that nobody wants. It's part of a process that's supposed to give us hope... But it doesn't really make us any more desirable, the possibility of making us fixable/ edible, it just gives us an expiration date

Waiting

I'm waiting for my husband to come home. Sounds like a trend with me, huh?  He's worth it though. He makes the loneliness go away. My son helps with that too really. But I need that secure connection that holding Sterling's warm chest against mine brings. There's something about the way he smells. It's comforting. I hate how irritatingly perfect my life is sometimes. I find it's generally harder to complain that way... But mostly it just makes me feel guilty, like maybe I don't deserve it. I most likely don't deserve it. There are days though; when the baby's teething and Sterling's being selfish, on those days I feel justified. All I've ever really been is a spoiled little child. Sterling indulges me in that. My son probably will be too. After all, I'm not a fan of hypocrites. That probably means I should work on my self confidence a little though. Let me add that to my list. The list of things I have to accomplish to make sure I don't screw up my son. I could definitely be doing worse though. I always told myself I wouldn't be one of those judgmental parents, then I lost my first baby. And all of a sudden people's choices started to carry a little more weight. Do you have any idea what that does to someone like me? Seeing everything. A blessing and a curse I guess.