Waiting

I'm waiting for my husband to come home. Sounds like a trend with me, huh?  He's worth it though. He makes the loneliness go away. My son helps with that too really. But I need that secure connection that holding Sterling's warm chest against mine brings. There's something about the way he smells. It's comforting. I hate how irritatingly perfect my life is sometimes. I find it's generally harder to complain that way... But mostly it just makes me feel guilty, like maybe I don't deserve it. I most likely don't deserve it. There are days though; when the baby's teething and Sterling's being selfish, on those days I feel justified. All I've ever really been is a spoiled little child. Sterling indulges me in that. My son probably will be too. After all, I'm not a fan of hypocrites. That probably means I should work on my self confidence a little though. Let me add that to my list. The list of things I have to accomplish to make sure I don't screw up my son. I could definitely be doing worse though. I always told myself I wouldn't be one of those judgmental parents, then I lost my first baby. And all of a sudden people's choices started to carry a little more weight. Do you have any idea what that does to someone like me? Seeing everything. A blessing and a curse I guess.